


Migraine Personified

by fragilecapricornpanic



Series: PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [80]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Canon Compliant, Diego Hargreeves is Bad at Feelings, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Humor, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, One Shot, One Shot Collection, POV Alternating, Pre-Canon, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Soft Diego Hargreeves, Soft Vanya Hargreeves, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, Vanya Hargreeves Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:48:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26988490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fragilecapricornpanic/pseuds/fragilecapricornpanic
Summary: “Your place looks like something from The Wire.” Diego quipped with disgust. “Your building has a family of raccoons living in it.” Klaus pettily replied, which was a fair point. “Not anymore.” Diego wanted the lack of vermin to be clear. “Youstabbedthem?!” Klaus leaned over his seat with scandalisation. Diego swatted him away, he smelt like he’d drank an entire bar. “No. Pest control.” Diego sighed, desperately trying not to laugh. “Oh. Well your next building will probably have them too.“ Diego rolled his eyes, where Klaus lived was probablyownedby raccoons. “Whatever, just don’t be...” Diego decided it would be useless to end that sentence, since Klaus’ very presence was weird. “Just don’t scare the shit out of Vanya.”
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves
Series: PRE-WRITTEN, Pre-Canon Sibling Encounters [80]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1869709
Comments: 7
Kudos: 59





	Migraine Personified

**Author's Note:**

> (Pre book)

Sauntering into his extremely dingy apartment, Diego groaned when he saw the light flashing on his answering machine. _Please don’t be Klaus, please don’t be Klaus, please don’t be Klaus._ He tentatively pressed the button, neglecting to take his shoes off so he could go back out and begrudgingly pick the idiot up if needs be. At least it wasn’t Luther he couldn’t get rid of, that would be unimaginably awful. Diego would probably go and bite a bullet. Not that Klaus didn’t make him tempted sometimes. A lot of the time, actually. “Hi Diego...” his tiny sister’s voice shyly murmured. Diego breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn’t Klaus, though he was also quite nervous to hear from Vanya. Was she okay?

“Sorry to call, I know you’ll have other things to do...” Diego scoffed, knowing he had literally nothing remotely interesting going on. “I got a new apartment and have no one else to help me move in... actually. This was stupid. Sorry. Forget I called.” The line clicked dead. Diego cracked his neck, feeling guilty that he clearly made her that uncomfortable. He hit redial instantly, hoping he could maybe act like a big brother for once. Diego knew he should make more of an effort with Vanya. He treated her like shit. 

— Two Days Later —

Driving to Vanya’s apartment, Diego began to panic. He always felt so awkward around Vanya. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his sister, he just never knew what to say. Diego knew Vanya was way smarter than he ever would be, she actually had prospects in life. He couldn’t even hold down dead end jobs. This was going to make them both deeply uncomfortable, which was depressing since siblings shouldn’t be so distant with one another. They hardly even felt like siblings anyway... their dad was such an asshole. No wonder they were all so fucked up. Diego pulled over to the nearest payphone to tell Vanya he’d be slightly late, he knew his sister would assume he was just blowing her off if he didn’t call first. Every time he saw her it was like she was waiting for someone to reveal it was a practical joke. Although Klaus was the personification of a migraine, he definitely broke the ice.

—

“Why are you goddamn homeless...” Diego grumbled to himself, wishing it was easy to find his brother. He always showed up when Diego didn’t want him there, but couldn’t be found on the rare occasion he was actually welcome. Trying to find the shithole house he’d recently given Klaus a ride to, Diego wondered if it would be better going alone after all. He was getting cold feet now he was remotely near his brother. Parking up, Diego removed the admittedly awful radio from his admittedly terrible car. Some junkie would still steal it. Probably Klaus. He considered whether that could be a trap to catch his brother, but shoved it in the trunk anyway.

“Diego’s outside.” Ben yelled up to Klaus, wondering if it was possible for ghosts to get a secondhand high. Why the hell was Diego here? Did someone die? Hopefully it was dad. “Shut up!” Klaus shouted back dismissively, which was kind of understandable for once since it did sound like bullshit. He was still an asshole though. Even after several years of Klaus moving between places like this, it still baffled Ben that no one else in these houses seemed to care about Klaus talking to nobody. “What could me lying about that possibly achieve?” Ben loudly questioned with irritation, smirking at Diego hiding his terrible radio. His seance brother emerged from upstairs sulkily, clearly disgruntled by Ben’s interruption. Klaus looked out of the window and groaned. “It’s like he’s obsessed with me!” his brother exclaimed in earnest. Ben turned to glare at him in disbelief, unable to even splutter out a reply. Klaus was the one who constantly bugged Diego. Ben thought sometimes their elder brother was on the verge of getting a restraining order.

Climbing the stoop, Diego felt this place could have a beach - except instead of sand it was used needles. The door was alarmingly already ajar. He tentatively pushed it open, not particularly wanting to actually touch the rotten thing.

Rushing over to the door, Klaus promptly hit Diego away and blocked the entrance. “What the hell are you-“ his brother began to ask with distrust. Klaus shoved him backwards and pulled the door behind them. “You’ll faint.” he pointed down to Diego’s tattoo, which was clearly all the explanation his brother required as he paled and nodded bashfully. “What do you want? I’m kinda busy.” Klaus mumbled, the hypocrisy of his statement going over his head entirely. Diego rudely pulled the cigarette from his mouth and stomped it out.

“We’re seeing Vanya.” his brother grunted, kicking Klaus in the back of the knees so he’d tumble down and then catching him just before he landed. Klaus felt like he’d been through a goddamn high speed laundry machine with that degree of sudden movement, so he allowed his brother to push him into the car. It would be good to see Vanya, but he sensed there was some kind of scheme involved. She and Diego were so awkward around one another... was Klaus being used as a fucking icebreaker?! “You owe me payment for this service!”

—

“That place looks like something from The Wire.” Diego quipped with disgust, wondering how his brother wasn’t dead. “Your building literally has a family of raccoons living in it.” Klaus pettily pointed out, which Diego supposed was fair. “Not anymore.” he quickly responded, wanting the lack of vermin to be well established. “You _stabbed_ them?!” Klaus gasped, leaning over his seat with scandalised intrigue. Diego swatted him away, he smelled like he’d drank an entire bar. “No. Pest control.” Diego sighed, desperately trying not to laugh. Why the hell would he stab a whole family of raccoons to death? “Oh. Well your next building will probably have them anyway.“ Diego rolled his eyes, where Klaus currently lived was probably _owned_ by raccoons. “Whatever, just don’t be...” Diego decided it would be useless to complete that sentence, since Klaus’ very presence was weird. “Just don’t scare the shit out of her.” 

Vanya nervously smiled as her brother got out from his car. She felt so guilty to have been stupid enough to have asked him to help. He had probably just agreed out of pity, since she was so pathetic. Looking down at her belongings, Vanya was quite embarrassed by how sparse they were. She supposed she was only young, but it still felt like she should own more than this... Diego didn’t bat an eye at how little she’d packed into boxes, which was both depressing and comforting. Clearly he was in a similar position. “I’ll carry them.” Diego insisted in a way that had no possible space for her to object. Truthfully though, she’d almost given herself a hernia getting these boxes out of the apartment. It just made her feel even more worthless knowing she was so tiny and weak. Vanya nodded timidly and approached her brother’s car, noticing it somehow looked even more ran down than the last time she’d seen it. Vanya hadn’t even thought that was possible. Just as she opened the door, Diego suddenly shouted her name in a panic.

”Klaus is in there!” he warned her, knowing she’d probably have a goddamn heart attack if she was abruptly faced with their bizarre brother. Vanya looked even more anxious due to this announcement, but smiled politely anyway and continued. Diego was humiliated he was relying on _Klaus_ of all people to assist him.

Nervously peeking through the door, Vanya felt tempted to instantly close it again as soon as she heard her brother arguing with absolutely nobody. “Miss Vanya.” Klaus for some reason was doing a terrible impression of Pogo. “Master Klaus...” she murmured shyly, not even attempting to butcher the chimp’s accent. Vanya sighed gently and got into her seat, the smell of alcohol hitting her like a tsunami. Her brother clumsily leaned over her seat to hug her, making Vanya grimace. She felt pity for his poor liver.

”Get off her, you dick!” Diego furiously mouthed to Klaus through the window, enraged that he was evidently straight away scaring the shit out of her. “Five more dollars.” Klaus mouthed back, almost smothering Vanya in his over the top hug. It was like he was incapable of doing anything in a somewhat normal manner. “Fine.” Diego agreed grumpily, deciding to get these boxes in the car as fast as possible so she and Klaus didn’t have to spend much longer trapped together. Diego practically paid child support to Klaus, considering how often he was manipulated into giving him money - which was saying something since Diego only gave in to his begging rarely. Hopefully their brother wasn’t going to overshare anything too mentally scarring on the journey to the new apartment. Who was Diego kidding, he was definitely going to traumatise them both. 

—

Carrying a particularly heavy box up three flights of stairs, Diego scowled as he once again found Klaus doing nothing. He shoved the box that was presumably full of books on the floor, though he felt tempted to slam it down onto his brother’s feet. “I’m paying you.” Diego whispered angrily, nervously peeking over to Vanya to check she hadn’t heard. He knew Vanya would probably just assume he wanted Klaus to be here because he hated her company, rather than their brother just being incapable of silence. “You’re payi-“ Klaus spoke in an unbelievably obnoxious volume before Diego kicked him, causing Klaus to let out a little squeak. His brother was probably too high to feel it anyway, he was just goddamn melodramatic. Diego glanced down to the ground to try and prevent chuckling at that reaction.

“You’re paying me for my exemplary social skills, not to be a moving man.” Klaus hissed, rubbing at his shin purely for effect since it was actually the other leg that had been kicked. Diego rolled his eyes at Klaus honestly believing he possessed a morsel of social skills, never mind thinking he was an expert at them. “You should sell some of your self confidence.” Diego suggested mockingly, storming back out of the door. “Maybe you could use _that_ money to buy drugs.” he passive aggressively called over his shoulder as he headed towards the stairs. He was going to goddamn speed through the steps to save Vanya from this suffering.

Vanya cringed on hearing Diego yell that from where he was in the hallway. That definitely wasn’t a great first impression to make on her new neighbors. “How’s lesbianism?” Klaus shouted from the couch, making her cringe once again. Why had Diego brought him? It wasn’t that Vanya disliked Klaus, he was just... Klaus. Usually their elder brother was fighting to get rid of him, this was just a strange turn of events. Diego probably just hated her so much he couldn’t bare to be alone with her. Vanya reluctantly stood from where she’d been crouching to pack plates into her new kitchen cabinets, though half the reason she’d been doing that was to hide. “It’s... okay.” Vanya awkwardly murmured, regretting accidentally telling Klaus she liked women a couple of years ago. “Being a gay guy’s _great_ ,” he answered as though she’d directed the question back to him, even though she purposefully hadn’t “so many dicks, I-“ Vanya exhaled with immense relief as Diego entered back into the apartment and Klaus quickly closed his mouth. She was still trying to mentally unpack his deranged rambling from whilst they were in the car.

Noticing Klaus suspiciously shut his mouth, something he rarely did, Diego narrowed his eyes at his brother. ”What did you say to her?!” Diego seethed, annoyed at himself for not realising this plan also included leaving Klaus alone with her. Vanya looked like she was blinking SOS in morse code, but Diego assumed that was probably just confirmation bias. “Oh, I’m sorry.” Klaus feigned sincerity, pulling himself up from the couch “If I’m not wanted here, I guess I’ll just leave.” he shrugged casually, knowing he was being a manipulative asshole. Diego should never pay him up front. He should never pay him _period_. How did he keep allowing himself to get swindled by Klaus? Diego took a hand from the box to stop Klaus before he walked from the door. “Don’t you fucking dare.” Diego threateningly whispered, peering back over to Vanya and finding she’d entered her new bedroom. It was probably just to get away from them, which Diego couldn’t blame her for. “Ten more dollars and I’ll stay.” Klaus whisperingly negotiated, looking horrifically smug. “Eat shit.” Diego heavily stomped on his brother’s foot with vengeance.

Hearing a high pitched screech, Vanya was glad the thing she’d been holding wasn’t shatter-able as it fell to the floor in shock. She anxiously popped her head around the doorframe, expecting to find her brothers fighting like children. They were. Why were men like this? “Was that the last box?” Vanya asked Diego, glancing down to the moving box by his feet. Their elder brother sheepishly shuffled away from Klaus and nodded, smiling apologetically.

An overwhelming sense of relief washed over Vanya, glad to be out of her brothers’ company. She frowned to herself, feeling guilty for thinking such a thing. Diego had been doing her a favor, she should be grateful. “Can I pay you?” she offered, hoping her brother didn’t take any time off work for this. “Why, yes! That’s so _kind_ of you, Vanny.“ Klaus drawled with a dramatic flair, holding a hand out expectantly. Diego knocked it back down, harshly shoving him out of the door they were dawdling beside. The subsequent crash and giggling Vanya heard implied Klaus had flung into something, she hoped it wasn’t a person. “I’m good, sis.” their elder brother responded stoically. He looked kind of insulted that she’d ask... why was Vanya always such an idiot? “You sure you don’t want a hand unpacking?” Vanya nodded eagerly, not even letting him finish his sentence first. He seemed very pleased with that answer. “Don’t die. Call me if you need anything.” Diego droned, practically hurrying out of the door. Vanya pressed her hand into her forehead, feeling like her blood pressure had increased just from this meeting. It was a good thing she’d taken all of her anxiety medication.

Sauntering down the stairs, Diego hoped to god Klaus wasn’t going to attempt tagging along into the car for a ride back to his squalor. The man was like a lapdog. His brother was speaking, but Diego didn’t give a shit what he was saying. He was always goddamn speaking, it was actually louder when he was being quiet. Ordinarily Diego would just sprint down the stairs to escape, since Klaus willingly burned his lungs to charcoal - but he was much too exhausted from carrying those boxes. Diego snickered sadistically as his brother shut himself up with a cancerous coughing fit. Maybe Diego should move onto the third floor to finally lose Klaus. “That was fun, right? I don’t know about you, but all of that hard work sure made me hungry.” Klaus babbled, predictably following Diego over to the car.

“We’re not getting food.” Diego grunted, refusing to unlock the doors until his brother backed away. Klaus pouted like a child, leaning on the car casually. He refused to move, clearly knowing he was going to irritate Diego into agreeing. “Fine.” Diego spat “But just because I’m hungry too. Don’t think this means I like you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Bruh when I read these back I just want to hug Vanya


End file.
